So, maybe I care.

Yesterday’s kickoff was interesting. It’s not every day you find you are presented on a display board like the world’s weirdest science project for the whole city to see, and the mayor points you out in a crowd. Being put in the spotlight was terrifying, and also exhilarating. It all feels very real now, and the pressure to succeed is far more overwhelming than I imagined it would be. My first order of business this morning was to wake up and run to the gym (ok, I drove the gym. But I ran when I got there. For FIVE WHOLE MINUTES, guys).

Hypotheses about decreasing adiposity of the chubby subject abound.

So, it turns out, I care what you think of me. It matters if you think I’m mean, or lazy, or a bad person. I can’t bear the thought of disappointing you, of making you ashamed to know me.

We spend so much time pretending we don’t care what other people think, while trying in silent desperation to impress them– to show everyone that we’re good, we matter, we’re somebody worth knowing. Maybe some of us try too hard. I know sometimes we care too much about what others think. More often, the “others” we are trying to impress are the wrong ones.

I can’t pretend anymore. I’m not so cool and aloof that your opinion doesn’t affect me. In fact, I’m counting on it. I’ve tried a lot of things to motivate myself in the past, but I’ve always kept the struggle close like some sort of dirty secret, and I think that has always been one of the sources of my repeated failures (although I think I will start calling them “practice runs” instead of failures. Sounds so much less…failure-y).

So, I admit it– I’m using you. I’m counting so much on caring about your opinion that I make sure I push myself, just to impress you. I’m so horrified that you think I’m slacking off that I will dig deeper than I ever do when I only have myself to answer to.

I’m trying the one thing I’ve never tried– Looking around and saying, “Hey guys, you know that thing about how I’m fat? I’m totally going to do something about that! Check it out!”

I hope you can forgive me for using you (although I know some of you might like that sort of thing).  I also hope you can let it slide that maybe I’ve played it too cool, and kept some secrets. I just want to make you proud.

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Mayor’s Challenge Introduction

I recently had what is either the second most brilliant idea of my life, or one that will lead to the most humiliating experience ever! I applied and was accepted to be one of the “Mayor’s Picks” for the City of Oak Creek Mayors Fitness Challenge, starting Sept. 7th 2013. To summarize what this means: I am being sponsored by a local gym, and am on a 4 month challenge to get fit, and adapt a super awesome happy joytime nice nice healthy lifestyle! (I’m trying to make it sound really fantastic so I can read this back when I want to eat a whole bag of cheetos.)

I will be blogging, tweeting, throughout, and am sorta accountable now to the whole city! I am already having nightmares about shopping at Woodman’s, and being stopped by a passerby and told, “Hey! I know who you are! Put that down and back away from the ice cream! Run a lap around the store before I tell Mayor Steve on you!”  (Woodman’s is really big too, I don’t think I’d make all the way to produce and back. I might collapse near the candy aisle. Coincidentally, of course.

If you want to learn more about the Challenge, and how you can participate, check this out (You don’t need to be from OC to join) There will be an awesome kickoff event, and lots of free fitness events happening:

City Page: http://www.oakcreekwi.org/government/mayor.htm

Facebook Page: http://www.oakcreekwi.org/government/mayor.htm

Online Registration: https://ocmayorschallenge.eventbrite.com/

In case anyone missed it, here is the introduction I submitted when I was posted as one of the Mayor’s Picks:

“Hi, I’m Spring. I talk way too much. I don’t exercise enough. I’ve never met a snack I didn’t like. I’m incredibly nonathletic, and have never been in that blissful utopia the BMI charts call “normal.” I’m 4’11” and the last time I worked up the nerve to weigh myself I was something north of 185. I rewarded my courage with a pizza. My Inner Critic also likes to talk too much, and regularly points out how much I suck at this fitness thing. I’m trying to break up with her, but she hasn’t quite gotten the message yet.

I know I’m not the only one struggling with motivation. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve researched a new diet, planned a new workout routine, signed up for a new gym, or dropped a load of cash on the latest gimmick. Sometimes they work for a little while. Once I lost 50lbs. Recently, I rediscovered it. (I’m still trying to figure out which one of you left that extra 10lbs out for me to find too.) I signed up for this Challenge to reignite my excitement to be healthy and fit, and to be part of a community of people with the same struggles, so we can all encourage and inspire each other (and occasionally talk each other down when candy sounds better than crunches)!”